Last Saturday, I was at my friend’s house watching Girl Meets World. There are a lot of people who think it’s dumb or Disney shows in general are dumb. I’ll give you this: every Disney show is not automatically worth watching. But Girl Meets World is one of those shows that makes me feel very uncomfortable, in the “I’m now going to question who I am and what I’m doing with my life because these kids are figuring that out and, well…do you ever really stop?”
I’m 22 years old. In fact, later this month, I will turn 23. So here are some things that I definitely for sure know about myself based on 23 years of living with myself.
- I want to be a writer. I didn’t exactly lie to my mother when she asked what I want to be when I grow up. I told her “I want to work in marketing.” That’s mostly true. I think it would be a really cool job that would introduce me to interesting people and challenge me creatively. But, when it comes down to it, what I really want to be is a writer.
- I am an introvert. When it comes to people, there is some correlation between how much I like a person and how much time I can spend with them. In the end, though, there is a point where I’m just done, no matter how much I like you. People exhaust me, even when I’m having fun, and at the end of it, I feel the need to be by myself.
- My greatest fear is entrapment which is probably why I’m not too happy with my life just now. I’m never happier than when I’m travelling, and all of my worst nightmares involve being locked in a house or compound of some sort. The quote that best sums me up? “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.”
- I am a Gryffindor, and welcome back to Hogwarts everybody! No, seriously though, this is a huge piece of my self-perceived identity. Am I brave? Probably not. But God do I try to be. And that is something I value in anyone: courage. So yes, I belong to the noble house of Godric Gryffindor, and I’m proud to say so.
- I am constantly changing. Who I am now is not who I was in middle school or high school or college. And I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m pretty happy about it. Let’s be honest: I’m not who I want to be yet. I want to be consistently creative and resilient; I want to be inspiringly bold and compassionate. I want to be my favorite heroines from my favorite stories who take care of people, or don’t take shit from people, or who take risks and make things happen. I am none of those things… But I also understand people better, am more open-minded to other points of view, and am more aware of the world in general. I may have fewer friends, but the ones I have are people I trust not to judge me, who I can relax and enjoy myself with without pretending to be someone I’m not. I have more stories under my belt and think more deeply about them. I’m learning. I’m always learning. It’s part of the growing. And I hope to do a lot more growing in the future.
But I don’t believe these things are going to change. Then again, some things I thought were essential to my being have changed completely. Who knows who I’ll be in another five or ten years? Not me.
That’s a little bit terrifying, but it’s also pretty damn exciting, if you think about it the right way.