For the record, I have basically the best boyfriend ever and he took me horseback riding in Lake Lure for my birthday last week.
That’s him back there with Stella, and that’s me and Nate in the front.
The thing about Nate was…he was very stubborn.
“Almost as stubborn as you,” Jonathan said.
“Almost,” I said, as I pulled on those reins with all of my very limited upper body strength.
And let’s be real: I’ve never actually been afraid of falling off of a horse, but when your horse isn’t doing what he’s supposed to, you’re supposed to slide your hand down the reins and pull. But when I leaned forward and started pulling, he pulled back, and I was just so sure that he was going to pull me right out of the saddle and I was going to tumble down his neck. He was probably eight times my weight (at least), so he was definitely more powerful than me.
It probably would have been better if we spoke the same language. I could have simply told the animal, “Hey, why don’t you go a little to the right so you don’t run me into this tree? Because that’s going to hurt me.” or even “I know you want to eat every piece of grass in sight, but we have to keep up with the group. You can have hay once you get back to your stall, I promise.”
But my only means of communication were by pulling on the bit in his mouth or kicking his butt (literally), and I was at a disadvantage there because he has eight times the body weight, which meant about eight times the power. His feet were firmly planted on the ground, where as I was perched atop him and in danger of falling off, if I weren’t careful.
You know, communication between two people should not be this difficult.
I was on Tumblr (shocking) and I read this quote: “Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.”
Is that true? Is the fear of looking stupid keeping us from being upfront and honest? Is that all we’re afraid of?
Sometimes people say the worst that can happen is that you’re wrong, but that’s not entirely true. Being wrong opens you up to all sorts of mocking, degradation, and belittlement. What about being right but helpless anyway? What about hurting others? What about hurting yourself?
Honestly, I don’t know what I’m most afraid of, and I don’t know how to overcome that fear. I don’t know how to force the words out of my mouth despite the anxious feeling in my throat, or the almost-nausea in my stomach.
I think fear period holds us back. And I think discovering what you’re actually afraid of is the first step to surpassing it.
And since that got a little heavy-handed and preachy, here are some pictures of flowers that I also took while in Lake Lure.
Love that place.