Monthly Archives: October 2014

Demisexuality and Asexual Awareness Week

Since literally NO ONE answered my poll on what I should write about this week, I let Tumblr do the work…which is not unusual for me, but whatever.  It has been brought to my attention that October 26th through November 1st is Asexual Awareness Week.  As such, this week’s post will be about sexuality.  If you are not mature enough to handle that conversation, or you don’t want to associate the conversation with me personally (which is fine), then please ignore it.

(Not that many people read these anyway…)

Now, I am not asexual.  No one I know has told me that they are asexual.  When it comes to asexuality, I will probably leave it at: it is a thing, it means you do not feel sexual attraction, and there is nothing wrong with it.  If anyone would like to educate me more on the matter, feel free to do so.

I do however know someone who identifies as demisexual, which is on the spectrum.

Someone who identifies as demisexual does experience sexual attraction.  They just don’t experience it as often as others.  When they do experience it, it is with someone (or for someone) that they have an emotional connection to.  Sometimes, it is gender-blind, and sometimes its a clarification based on a preferred gender.

And, honestly, I’ve been considering whether or not this is something I identify with.  Because while there are a lot of people I see and think, “Yeah, you’re nice to look at,” the number of people I would actually consider sleeping with is way lower.  In the single digits.

Or maybe the truth is that I’m only ever interested when I’m thoroughly relaxed and I’m only thoroughly relaxed around a handful of people that I also think are nice to look at.  I haven’t really made up my mind.  But the point of this week is that I know it’s an option.

This is why Asexuality Awareness Week exists.  Well, half of it at least.  It is important for people to realize that there are people who don’t experience sexual attraction the way mainstream media considers normal.  It’s important to know that, however you experience that attraction, isn’t weird or wrong.  That there are others who can empathize.

But it’s also important because there are people who treat it as something that is wrong, or doesn’t truly exist.  Which can emotionally hurt the people who identify that way.  Or, worse, those people can physically hurt them, because there have been cases of “corrective rape” for people who just plain don’t like sex.  And that is never okay.

If you want more information on asexuality, you can try aceweek.org.

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Something Unusual

All right, listen up, I’m ’bout to tell y’all a story.

(In other words: dwarrowdams over on Tumblr, who I consider a friend, said I should write about something unusual that has happened recently.  At first I got all pouty, because nothing unusual happens to me, and then I remembered…)

The Time I was at Walmart with a Murderer.

It was super casual, guys.  My mom was out of town Monday and Tuesday, and I was supposed to go to Walmart before she came home.  Of course I waited until the last moment.  So Tuesday, after work, I went to Walmart to return a costume and try to find the Miranda Lambert CD.

I turned right onto the street and noticed two police cars sitting on the shoulder.  One’s lights were flashing.  Then I turned left and into the parking lot, and noticed a huge circle of police tape as well as two officers standing there.  I thought it was weird, but shrugged it off, parked elsewhere, and walked into the store.

I did my business (minus the Miranda Lambert CD) and got into a line.  The guy in front of me asked the cashier what was going on.  She said, “I think something happened over at Lowe’s and it carried over into our parking lot.”  That seemed like an acceptable answer, so I left and didn’t think anything more of it.

The next night, I was talking to my mom when she asked, “Did you hear about what happened at Walmart?”

“Huh?”

“Apparently, last night they caught this murderer from Massachusetts in the Wal-mart parking lot.”

My eyes got super wide.  “THAT’S what was happening!”

So I was at Walmart when this suspect was apprehended.  Or…right after at least.  Probably not the BEST story you’ve heard all week, but pretty much the most interesting occurrence in my life this week.

Although I guess that depends on your definition of interesting.

I’m trying to get better at writing every week, but that will be easier if I know what I should be writing about.  Let me know what you’re interested in.

Thanks!

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Ordinary Acts of Bravery

I have a planner now.  Well, I always had a planner, what I have now is an agenda.  I’m supposed to be planning these blog posts in advance so that, come Tuesday, I’m not struggling to decide on a topic.

But you know what?  I didn’t.  Still, my only accomplishment thus far today is that I finally watched Divergent (which has to be back at the library tomorrow), so let’s talk about that.  As usual, spoilers ahead.

Here’s a question: 

It’s like the Harry Potter houses.  Everybody wonders where they would belong.  There’s a difference though.  At Hogwarts, the house is chosen based on what you value.  It’s why the sorting hat gave Harry a choice.  Obviously there’s also an aspect of what you embody, but the definitions are different in the Hogwarts houses.  Neville is shown to be a Gryffindor, while he would never be Dauntless, even though both are said to value bravery.

The movie mentions that there are “new rules” and “old rules,” and from the story, you can tell some of the ways they’ve changed.  However, the book does a better job (because it’s a better medium for it) of showing the true differences.  the faction manifestos are printed in the back of the copy of Divergent that I have.  The most important line of it is mentioned in the movie.

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”

They say it in the movie, but the leaders’ actions completely refute it.  Whenever one of the initiates try to stand up for another, they are glared at, silenced, threatened.  The things the Dauntless do are not “ordinary acts of bravery.”  They are acts of recklessness: jumping onto trains and off of buildings, fighting, learning to shoot a gun.

The book makes a big deal about the similarities between Abnegation (selflessness) and Dauntless.  It is done through the characters of Tris and her mother.  At one point in their lives, each belonged to both Abnegation and Dauntless.  In the end, they made similar decisions: to fight for their family.  But in the book, Tris begins to consider this idea before she discovers the truth about her mother.  She gets a tattoo with Abnegation’s symbol and a tattoo with the Dauntless symbol.  She uses her courage to help her friends.

I talked about fear in my last post.  I think my major problem is that all of the things I’m afraid of…overcoming them only benefits me.  I don’t tend to find my courage until something else is at stake.

I think I’m still learning that these things do affect those around me, that it seeps out into my relationships and my work.  And I’m still learning that the fact that it affects me is enough.

I’m still learning to be brave.  But one of the things Four teaches us in Divergent, when we see his fears that he says have not changed since initiation, is that…we’re always learning to be brave.

Somebody I respect a lot (yes she’s on Tumblr, shh) recently said that, sometimes, we have to count our victories differently.  Actual ordinary acts of bravery are always a victory, even if no one else understands why you are afraid.

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Horseback Riding in Lake Lure

For the record, I have basically the best boyfriend ever and he took me horseback riding in Lake Lure for my birthday last week.

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That’s him back there with Stella, and that’s me and Nate in the front.

The thing about Nate was…he was very stubborn.

“Almost as stubborn as you,” Jonathan said.

Almost,” I said, as I pulled on those reins with all of my very limited upper body strength.

And let’s be real: I’ve never actually been afraid of falling off of a horse, but when your horse isn’t doing what he’s supposed to, you’re supposed to slide your hand down the reins and pull.  But when I leaned forward and started pulling, he pulled back, and I was just so sure that he was going to pull me right out of the saddle and I was going to tumble down his neck.  He was probably eight times my weight (at least), so he was definitely more powerful than me.

It probably would have been better if we spoke the same language.  I could have simply told the animal, “Hey, why don’t you go a little to the right so you don’t run me into this tree? Because that’s going to hurt me.” or even “I know you want to eat every piece of grass in sight, but we have to keep up with the group.  You can have hay once you get back to your stall, I promise.”

But my only means of communication were by pulling on the bit in his mouth or kicking his butt (literally), and I was at a disadvantage there because he has eight times the body weight, which meant about eight times the power.  His feet were firmly planted on the ground, where as I was perched atop him and in danger of falling off, if I weren’t careful.

You know, communication between two people should not be this difficult.

I was on Tumblr (shocking) and I read this quote: “Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back.”

Is that true?  Is the fear of looking stupid keeping us from being upfront and honest?  Is that all we’re afraid of?

Sometimes people say the worst that can happen is that you’re wrong, but that’s not entirely true.  Being wrong opens you up to all sorts of mocking, degradation, and belittlement.  What about being right but helpless anyway?  What about hurting others?  What about hurting yourself?

Honestly, I don’t know what I’m most afraid of, and I don’t know how to overcome that fear.  I don’t know how to force the words out of my mouth despite the anxious feeling in my throat, or the almost-nausea in my stomach.

I think fear period holds us back.  And I think discovering what you’re actually afraid of is the first step to surpassing it.

And since that got a little heavy-handed and preachy, here are some pictures of flowers that I also took while in Lake Lure.

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Love that place.

 

 

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